INTJ female and INFJ male couple
That changed when I started dating an INFJ—someone who is like me in so, so many ways, yet as different as . Are you an INFJ or INTJ who has dated the other type? .. INFJ male here who ran into an INTJ female recently. But the INTJ female is thought to be even rarer, comprising only to 1 percent of the population. With INFJ males estimated to also be around. What would a romantic relationship between a male INTJ and a female INFJ look like? Now I'm only speaking about dating as we don't live together. But given.
[INFJ] - Advice: INTJ female in a budding relationship with an INFJ male | INFJ Forum
I don't think I'll ever completely be ready in the sense of being super comfortable with everything and having no doubts that a single life would not be a better alternative.
However, I do feel that all my relationships have taught me something, and by my early twenties I was ready to take the risks of committing and telling someone I love him.
My first partner when I was a teenager tried to take his life in front of me when I realised I didn't love him The turning point was when I eventually realised that that was a freak incident and that if I never take risks then I will never move forward. Part of it was also just bare-faced bravery even if I do say so myself. I should also mention - if your intuition is telling you that she definitely has feelings for you then trust that. He was patient and let me ask as many questions as I want, but he also challenged me by asking me why I said and did certain things and he would share his interpretation for my comment.
I guess you tried to do that by asking her to take that test, but that to her is making an assumption and then trying to prove it to her in too challenging a manner.
A better approach may have been to ask explorative questions about how certain events made her feel or just letting her talk about certain things.
Giving her some space to feel the gap when you're not there is also a good tactic, but be there for her if she asks - it shows commitment and dependability which leads to trust. These were just a few things my INFJ did to bring me round.INFJ Compatibility - Who is the best life partner for you?
I went from an adamant "no, it could never work", to "why do I act this way around him? I think I really really care very much about him I'm not sure how clear I was on this, but we met a year after this occurred and she said she was completely over the guy and the situation, it was a large embarrasment for her and it took her down a peg.
She described her ex as self righteous and critical, for the most part. She has a critical father who pushes her very hard. I tried my best to support her, hear her out when she would explain these situations, and rationally explain that she is much better than she feels and much better than what is being said to her in criticisms.
She was very worried about me taking things more seriously than her, I found this humorous and ironic and I would poke fun at the fact that her seriousness over my perceived seriousness made her the more worried partner and that we should just relax.
I think a part of me felt rushed so that she could feel like she didn't have to constantly flip flop in her mind and be worried about the situation, I was always flirty and clear with my interest, but I never got too mushy with her. She definitely probed me quite a bit on my ideas on relationships; I have many ideas on them and I consider them to be versatile beasts for growth.
She didn't enjoy the prospect of growth, she felt like being who she was now and accepting that was imperative.
I find that theres a balance between satisfaction and desiring more out of yourself. This would certainly be a point of contention that made her not want to pursue things.
I was mostly open but I got dodgy when it came to the physicality aspects. I mostly wanted to please her and feel a more close connection and that avenue seemed to work best for both of us, but doing that when we were technically still friends gave me guilt for a while.
I didn't want to bring it up to her but I eventually said it in passing, half jokingly, which she took seriously and felt very badly about.
That was the last reaction I could have hoped for, and so I reached within and restructured my opinions on intimacy from the ground up in order to adapt; I came to the conclusion that calling something a relationship or not doesn't amplify or diminish the feelings and the connection involved, and so what we did was personally acceptable.
That conclusion calmed things down. I frequently made sure to support feelings with a logical reason or a closely held concept or belief. Something tangible or understandable, at the very least. My goodness, that partner almost killing himself scenario is traumatizing, that's enough to run you away from relationships forever.
I've been in comparative situations where my INFP ex would cut herself and blame me or threaten to kill herself, but it was mostly histrionics. I did challenge her, perhaps a bit too much like you mentioned. I remember how comfortable we were together when we were alone, it felt euphoric; the air became a soft lapping of waves and we just sat absorbed in a current of conversation, relativity, and closeness.
In school she was so anxious though, she undoubtedly felt uncomfortable around me, which was disconcerting. That never resolved itself, but we discussed it and she explained her position well. I do love asking her questions and hearing her responses, but eventually it got to a point where she didn't want to speak anymore about her inner world.
She had told me I was pushy and she didn't enjoy that I called her out as avoidant. She said she explains her reasoning to me and I simply tell her she is wrong. I don't recall doing these things, I felt very open minded to her perspectives. I would offer my alternatives and parts that I object to, but maybe this was seen as a refutation of the reasoning itself.
I'm reading over the last messages I received from her now, and it seems all over the place. It's like she only reveals her true emotions when I wear her down with charm somewhat, at these points she reveals an inner lust for me and a desire, but she will later dismiss it as a craving that she gave into the next day.
She felt eerily adamant in our final conversation, she clearly stated that she didn't want anything further and she enjoyed me as a friend.
INTJ Relationships, Love, & Compatibility
I find that statement to be insincere because afterwards I reached out a few times to be friendly and she was cold or she simply ignored me. When it comes to forming and developing relationships, INTJs often have a few factors working against them.
For one, they express themselves via their auxiliary Te rather than Fe. Consequently, like other TJ types, they can come across as blunt, mechanical, or lacking a certain degree of tact or social know-how. Their reputation as arrogant know-it-alls can also be attributed, in part, to misperceptions involving their Te.
While INFJs are strong in extraverting their judgments, INTJs can be even more so because they lack the peacemaking, people-pleasing, and socially sensitive elements of Fe.
INTJs may also be labeled as excessively stubborn or rigid, although this too relates to Te-related misunderstandings. In order to compensate for such misunderstandings, INTJs might reason that if they could only understand people better they could overcome their relational difficulties. This may inspire them to gather as many facts and self-help strategies as they can regarding human psychology and relationships.
While there is certainly nothing wrong with doing so, it may not always remedy their predicament in the way they might expect. For one, INTJs with a history of relational difficulties can be prone to attribute those failures to psychological problems in their partners, thereby failing to see their own shortcomings.
While not necessarily their fault, this should comprise at least as much of their relational attention as trying to see and diagnose problems in their partners. To be fair, accurate self-evaluation can be a problem for all J-types, since their preferred mode of Judging Fe or Te is directed outwardly rather than inwardly. This is one reason why typology can be so useful for INTJs, as well as other types.
One of the hallmarks of Fi is a desire to preserve and defend the uniqueness of the individual. Related to a strong concern for the individual is the Fi desire to aid the weak, helpless, and marginalized of society. This is why IFPs, for instance, can often be found helping the homeless, working with children with special needs, protecting endangered species, etc.
Once we add Fi into the mix, it is not hard to see how INTJs might be attracted, even if unconsciously, to rescuing and fixing those who seem needy or helpless. The relationship then becomes a sort of psychotherapeutic forum, with the INTJ working to analyze, diagnose, and treat his wounded partner. It zeroes in on the unique features of the individual and grows deeply attached to those qualities. While INTJs may not experience the consistent strength of feeling that FP types do, they are nonetheless influenced by the less conscious workings of Fi, which helps inspire loyalty, love, and commitment.
This makes it a highly alluring function, powerful enough to inspire a fierce and protracted tug-of-war with the dominant function. Money also relates to status, another Se-related desire. They may, for instance, feel forced to perform unfulfilling work that fails to utilize their Ni-Te gifts.